Update on my health situation

Wow, I haven't written over here in a long time. Sorry about that. Kinda fell off the wagon and that sucker is LONG gone.

To catch you guys up to speed, you may want to read this blog. Because of that situation, I'm having to make some changes to my way of life. It's not a diet, although I'm sure I'll refer to it as "my diet" more times than not. It's technically a "cleanse" but because a lot of people don't understand what that means, lemme explain a little bit about what it means.

A "cleanse," by definition is a method used to rid your body of toxins and impurifications. These can be caused by many things, but at the top of the list are allergies, medication, bad diet or infection/illness. It's also commonly called a "detox," but since many people relate that term with drug or alcohol abuse, for the sake of clarification, I'll stick with "cleanse."

When I went to my chiropractor (technically, a "kinesiologist") after my surgery, he explained that the most likely cause for my ovarian cysts was excess estrogen. With one ovary removed, it should even out, but that will take some time. An estrogen cleanse will help hasten the process and get my body functioning correctly again after years and years of not working right. 

PLEASE keep in mind, I am *NOT* a doctor, nor do I know your personal health situation, so please do NOT begin a cleanse or any other specialized diet such as this without first consulting your health care provider. 

This particular cleanse is what my doctor suggested for me to help balance out my hormones after my oophorectomy. It's also used for people with PMS, hormone-related symptoms, menopause and even men with prostate conditions.

With the exception of the supplements, the "modified elimination diet" is pretty much what I should be eating all the time. It's absent of unhealthy fats, additives, caffeine and processed foods, which are all things that cause us impurifications to begin with. Technically, this shouldn't be such a HUGE problem to follow, but when you've lived your life in the "Foods to Avoid" column, it's going to be quite the adjustment. It's also a diet that's extremely difficult to follow if you spent much time traveling (which I do). For that reason, I will not be starting the cleanse until April when I return from a trip to L.A. 

That point, I begin what I've termed "Shark Week."

That's the first phase of the cleanse. It involves shakes made with an herbal supplement called "Estrium". Each day for seven days, I consume nothing but these shakes and one type of green vegetable (changing veggies each day). During this time, I can have nothing but water, that vegetable and these shakes. And when I say water, I mean a LOT of it. For my weight, I'm required to drink at least sixteen 8oz glasses per day. That's a minimum. Ideally, I should drink about 24 glasses, which means at least one glass an hour. This water is what will help flush the toxins from my body.

If I make it through the first week (and that's a BIG "if"), then I continue on to two months of "Step 2," which is the "modification elimination diet" I mentioned earlier. I will continue to drink the shakes, but I'm now allowed to eat foods from an approved list. I also must add a wheatgrass supplement called "Dynamic Greens" and "EPA/DHA 720," an Omega-3 supplement. The modification elimination diet is listed below:

NOT allowed: 

• oranges
• corn/corn based products
• wheat, barley, soy, rye and any/all products containing gluten
• peanuts/peanut butter
• beef, pork, sausage, processed meats/byproducts, eggs and shellfish
• most dairy products such as milk, cheese, yogurt, butter, ice cream and "non-dairy" creamers
• margarine, shortening, hydrogenated oils, mayonnaise & other processed oils
• soda, alcohol, coffee, tea or any other caffeinated beverage
• chocolate, ketchup, mustard, relish, soy sauce, bbq sauce and other condiments
• white/brown refined sugar, honey, syrup (maple, corn, etc), candy and any other desserts made with those sweeteners

That being said, I am allowed to have the following:

• unsweetened fresh, frozen or canned fruits or fruit juices (with the exception of oranges)
• fresh, raw, steamed, juiced or grilled vegetables (except corn)
• rice, quinoa, tapioca, buckwheat
• breads made of rice, oat, buckwheat, millet, potato flour
• all beans, peas and lentils
• almonds, cashews, walnuts and sesame seeds
• all canned (water-packed), frozen or fresh fish, chicken, turkey, wild game and lamb
• milk substitutes (rice milk, almond milk, etc)
• cold-pressed olive, flax, canola, sunflower, safflower and sesame oils
• filtered/distilled water, herbal teas, selzter or mineral water
• all spices and vinegar
• fruit sweetener, blackstrap molasses and stevia

When those two months are up, I may begin to slowly introduce the foods from the "No-no" list back into my diet one at a time, with the exception of the fats & oils, sugars, soda and all corn syrups. I must also avoid processed & manufactured food as well as artificial sweeteners, flavors, additives and preservatives.

This may kill me.

Just kidding.

Okay, not really.

As I said, when the majority of my diet has come from the "do not eat" list, to adjust to this strict of a healthy diet is going to be the toughest thing I've ever done. But if it means getting my body back to a healthy state, then I need to do it. I've been wanting to get back to where I was 2 years ago anyway and this will be one of best ways to get there. I'm going to have setbacks and there are going to be days when I am going to be absolutely insufferable. The majority of the first few weeks, as a matter of fact. I can almost guarantee it.

I know, I know "How will we be able to tell the difference?" 

Trust me. You'll be able to tell. 

The toughest thing for me to adjust to overall will be not having caffeine. I can live (albeit unhappily) without soda, booze and chocolate. I can even do herbal tea without too much complaint, but the lack of caffeine to a caffeine addict is hell on earth. If I 'cheat' or break the rules, I guarantee it will be to stave off a caffeine headache. I'm going to talk to my doctor to see what we can do to help alleviate the withdrawls, but honestly, I don't know how much can really be done. Like any drug, it's going to have to be detoxed. 

In the meantime, I will increase my water intake and do what I can dietarily to get things started moving in the right direction. What this means is that all these wonderful, yummy, tasty, delicious treats you guys have been sending me have to stop. No more chocolate, candy, vodka, Garrett popcorn (I kinda wanna die) and soda. I will, however, happily accept macadamia nuts, almonds and walnuts if you're insistent on sending anything. I immensely appreciate all the wonderful things you've sent me to help cheer me up during my recovery time. I just can't have them anymore.

So that's what's up.

Little Monsters

WARNING: Medically graphic post and probably one that risks an overshare or two. Proceed at your own risk.

I wish this post was talking about the term Lady Gaga uses when referring to her fans, but in this case, it's referring to the monstrous tumor the doctors found in my abdomen yesterday.

I awoke yesterday morning to severe cramps that I thought were menstrual in nature. I had an endometrial ablasion almost six years ago, so I don't have periods any more, but I do, from time to time, get cramps, breast swelling and migraines. So, over the last few weeks when I've had increased cramping, I didn't think anything of it. I figured it was just PMS-related, took a couple of Tylenol and went on with my day. Yesterday, however, was quite different from the cramps I'm used to having. 

I thought perhaps it was bowel related and once I went to the bathroom I'd be fine. I did, but I wasn't fine. If anything, the pain had gotten worse. Now, I'll be the first to admit I'm a pain baby, but rarely do I cry from pain. The cramps I experienced yesterday morning had me doubled-over sobbing. 

I called my friend Wendy, who's also a nurse, and she suggested that if this wasn't normal cramping that I needed to go to the emergency room. So after a quick call to my bestie, she came and picked me up. That forty minute drive to the emergency room was almost too much. The cramps got worse and by the time we pulled up in front of the ER, I had all I could do to walk into the hospital.

My hubby joined Ann Marie and me a few minutes after I got settled into a room and I spent the next several hours being poked, prodded and scanned. My fear was that it was a blood clot due to all the sitting I'd been doing on the plane and in the airports last week, but the doctor quickly dismissed that fear. He first thought I had kidney stones and sent me down for a CT scan to find out for sure. This initial diagnosis scared me immensely. The pain involved with passing a kidney stone aside, I have plans for these kidneys and nowhere in the scheme of those plans was there room for stones. I had a small meltdown and was proverbially bitchslapped from my bestie for worrying about her kidneys instead of myself. I digress. Fortunately, the results from the CT scan came back and my fears were put to rest for the time being.

Then the doctor mentioned something called a teratoma that showed up on my right ovary and coming from a family who has been stricken with numerous types of cancer, I recognized the term -toma immediately. The nurse reassured me that it didn't necessarily mean cancer, that it was more like a cyst. Having known numerous people with ovarian cysts, I wasn't over worried; cysts are pretty common, after all. The doctor then told me that according to the scan, the cyst was 7cm x 7cm. Metric conversions aren't my forté, but I knew that was about 3 inches. In that area of the body, that's a good sized cyst. The doctor told me that he'd consulted with a gynecologist who was on his way over to look at my scan and discuss the findings. 

When the gyno got there, he confirmed the doctor's diagnosis that it was a ovarian teratoma. He said it was a medium sized cyst that would need to come out, but that it wasn't emergent and unless I wanted to do the procedure today, it could wait a week or two. I expressed my concern about it being cancer, but the doctor reassured me that the chances of it being cancer were less than five percent. This eased my worries a little, but by this point, I was mad at whatever had caused me this pain and I just wanted it out. The gyno understood and explained the procedure would be done laparoscopically and that depending on how involved it was with my right ovary, it too may need to be removed. Given that I had my tubes tied almost fifteen years ago, I didn't care if my lady parts stayed or went. I signed paperwork, the doctor got on the phone with surgery and within an hour, I was being prepped.

By 7 p.m. I was in recovery and the nurses were reminding me to breathe deeply (always a problem for me). Typically, this surgery is done out-patient but because I was having a good deal of pain and one of the incision sites was having some trouble with seepage, they decided to admit me overnight. I spent the night on a Fentanyl pump and the doctor came in to talk to me this morning. 

I had a lot of questions for him because he was gone by the time I came out from under the anesthesia and Hubs isn't the detail-oriented person I am, he didn't ask the questions I would have. I wanted to know if they had to take my ovary, first of all (they did). As an information whore, it was also important to me to know exactly what this thing was called (dermoid teratoma - I'll let you Google that little bit of nastiness on your own). I also wanted to know if there was any way this could've been an ectopic pregnancy gone horribly awry (it wasn't). I wanted to know if there was a chance of it coming back on the other side (there is). I wanted to make sure my tubes were still "tied" (they are). I wanted to know what my recovery period is (two weeks). Most of all, I wanted to know if it is cancerous (doc says no, the biopsy should confirm this). Long story short, this cyst is the most disgusting thing you could possibly imagine but it has been removed. 

(The white and dark colored tissue you see here in the photos

is the cyst that wrapped around my right ovary.)

The doctor said that it was a bit larger than they first thought, explaining that the ovaries are typically the size of an almond and my cyst was the size of an orange and filled with fluid, hair and other organ-type tissues. I was totally grossed out, but he reassured me that this is normal because apparently ovarian tissues are complex in that they draw cells from all parts of the body - hair follicles, sweat glands, bones, teeth, organs like liver and kidneys, etc.This cyst, because it grew from the ovarian cells, also includes many of these cells. Hubs called it an alien and honestly? that's what it feels like this is: some sort of hairy little alien. It's been sent off to pathology and I should know shortly for certain that it's not a malignant tumor. Granted, the doctor has already given his expert opinion and that it's not cancer. But I'm someone who needs proof, so I will wait patiently (ha!) for the results to set my mind at ease.

Until then, I am forced to take it easy and recognize how fortunate I am in all this. If this had happened last week, my family would be frantic here at home while I was recovering at a friend's place in Harlem. My bestie, thankfully, is unemployed right now and was able to drop everything and not only take me to the hospital, but was able to stay with me all day to put my worried mind at ease. Hubs, too, was not only able to take off work and come to the hospital, his bosses had FMLA paperwork drawn up so he can take off the rest of the week to spend with me so I'm not alone. My friend RG came up and tagged in for Ann Marie and Hubs so they could get something to eat (since they hadn't eaten all day) and stayed with me. As it often does, our conversation helped me make sense of the day and the perspective I needed desperately. Even my ex-husband and his mother were there for me. They picked up Midget so she wasn't here alone and scared after school last night. They drove her to school this morning, too, so she wouldn't miss her presentation for National History Day. 

Tonight, Midget and I had the "What if it's cancer?" talk and I think we both feel infinitely better. Since Hubs can be a bit of a tosser and a turner, I decided to sleep on the couch tonight. It's also easier for me to get up and down out here, so this is where I'll sleep. Midget, who is afraid I may need her in the middle of the night, is also camped out here with me. She's asleep on the bean bag and I'm on the sofa.

Even in this narcotic haze, I can appreciate God in all this. His timing is impeccable and He has surrounded me with love. I am so blessed.

**UPDATE** The pathology reports indicate the tumor is benign. It is not cancerous.

Laser pointers...not just for feline entertainment

Many of you are new followers and dont' know that I approach almost all health situations holistically. That's not to say that I won't take medicine if I have to. I prefer vitamins, herbal supplements and natural remedies.

This link regarding laser pointers gives some great ways to fight off pain, muscle spasms, illness, toxins and even chronic issues such as ADHD and addictions. Now, this particular link advertises for the specific laser pointer they're trying to sell, but your average $5 pet toy will work just as well.

My doctor (kinesiologist) has been treating his patients for over a decade using laser pointers, accupressure therapy and chiropractic adjustments. I've been going to him for the last five years and rarely get sick, but when I do, I usually don't stay sick as long as most people do because of how I treat my illness.

It's cold and flu season. Instead of relying on a questionable vaccination or over the counter meds, check out the blogs I've written and the links I've provided and learn how to treat yourself holistically.

You'll be amazed at the difference.

Coming soon...

...to a gym near you.

ME!

Stay tuned.

Hiatus

Hello there, readers!

I feel like I should re-introduce myself since I haven't been here in so long. What an autumn it's been! I started working full-time in August and the gym time fell to the wayside. Thankfully for me, even though I've been eating junk and not working out, I am on my feet and constantly lifting and moving merchandise, so my metabolism hasn't slowed down at all. I'm still sitting between 240-245lbs, so while it's not great, it's also not as bad as it could be or as bad as it once was.

I'm hoping to get through the holidays unscathed and get back into the gym after the first of the year. I actually miss working out and the high it brings me. I also miss the tanning bed, I can't lie.

In the meantime, I've coined the phrase "Project Pudge," the name I've given to my non-diet I'm on until I get back on course. I'm eating what I love (sometimes too much of it) and just living. I'm not restraining myself or giving up anything. Wise? Most definitely not because now it will be harder once I do get back to the gym, but right now, with the stress levels I'm at, I'm doing what I want to do. (Remind me I said this when the treadmill kicks my ass in January, k?)

I'm still working 40-50 hour weeks and trying to get this book of mine ready for agent queries, so I may not be blogging much (yeah, because the last six months wasn't an indicator? lol), but I will be back and I will be back with avengeance. No worries!

Enjoy your holidays, stay safe and do as I say, not as I do. ;)

Love,

Mel

GAH!

So I went back to the gym today for the first time in almost two months. Yes, I've been a lazy ass for that long. I was actually really disgusted with myself when I came to that realization. Some inspiration I am, huh? *shudder*

Anyway, the gym. Sooooo...that beefed up workout? Kicked. My. Fat. Ass.

I will again preface this blog with DEEP gratitude to @BootCampJoey for helping me come up with it. I'm still in the "construction" stages of this thing - finding my groove, getting back into the habit and figuring out my exact rhythm, but I think it's going to be good once everything falls into place.

I've said before that I don't sweat when I work out. I'm usually plenty hydrated, so it's not that. I just don't sweat. My heart rate hits the 70-80 percentile and I'm huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf, I just don't sweat.

Well, I sweated today. I sweated where I didn't even realize I had sweat glands (Gross. You're welcome.)

I did a five minute stretch before-hand (probably should've done more, now that I am reflecting). I need to talk to @DonniesDancer about some stretches I can do. She's my sensei in everything stretchy.

I got on the treadmill and did a five minute warm-up walk at 3.0 mph at a 10% incline. Usually my warm-ups are 2.5, so I did increase that.

Then.

Came.

Hell.

I cranked up the pace to a steady 7.5 mph. I used the hand grips instead of pumping my arms because with  my short legs I wasn't sure if I could get my strides big enough and keep them up and I feared falling. (Nothing would suck ass worse than falling on the treadmill at that speed.) I did this for 30 seconds. This is where I felt like I was going to die and wondered if the funeral parlor make-up would cover the treadmill burns on my face from where I fell.

Paced back to 3.0 for 30 seconds.

Next sprint I did a 7.0 for 45 seconds. Paced back to 3.5. for about a minute.

Next sprint, I went for  6.5 for 45 seconds, downtimed at 3.0 for a minute.

Next sprint I went for 7.0 again for 45, downtimed at 3.0 for 45.

My last sprint I did 7.0 for 30 seconds and downtimed at 3.0 for 30.

My cool down consisted of 5 minutes at 2.0 and emptying my water bottle.

BUT, I didn't fall. I didn't die and even after my 5 minute of stretching afterward, I'm not sore. WOO! (I did, however, tweet Joey: "I'm gonna kick your ass as soon as I find my legs" in Portuguese.  - Love you, man!)

After having taken two months off and gaining back a few pounds, I'm going to have a couple weeks of misery before I'm back in sync with my body and get this thing figured out. Am I where I want to be? Hell no. But I'll get there. This is a good start. Before I know it, I'll be wondering why I waited so long to do it.

Day 2 of my assassination resumes tomorrow night, provided the lactic acid in my muscles hasn't atrophied by then.

This is gonna suck so good!

I preface this blog with a DEEP thank you to @BootCampJoey for taking the time to answer some questions for me that I've been wondering about for a while. Your willingness to help me is deeply appreciated, my dear!

That being said, Joey's going to kill me.

Okay, so he might not kill me, but the changes he's recommended are going to huuuuuuuurt. I'm leaving Tabata behind (for now) and returning to my old and faithful friend, standard HIIT. Do I love the 4-min workouts my glorious Tabata brings me? Yes. Will I miss them? Yes. But, I trust Joey not to lead me astray.

Beginning next week I'll be increasing my workouts not only in frequency but intensity, as well. I've been doing HIIT 3 days a week and weight training the two days in between, taking two days off a week. I will be bumping up the number of workouts I do weekly to 4-5 days of HIIT and roughly the same of strength training. I will also be intensifying my workouts. Thus far, I've been "pushing" myself with speeds of 4-5mph. Joey's recommendation for me is to double that. I'm not sure how my 24" legs are gonna haul that much ass, but I suppose if he says it can be done, I have to trust that he's right.

Joey, dear, I'm sure I will be cussing you out in three different languages by this time next week, but please know its out of love. :) Thanks for giving a shit!

Thank you, BootCampJoey

I began following @BootCampJoey last week (admittedly for shallow reasons - yes, he's very pretty), but I've come to learn that he's incredibly gifted with his fitness and nutrition knowledge, too. He posted a link tonight to an article that he wrote for SceneOutSD.com. I'm hoping he writes more for them because he's clearly got a lot to say and there's a lot more I want to know about what he wrote.

Joey says, "so as your lean muscle diminishes, your metabolism (your body’s calorie-burning ability) drops. If you do nothing to stem the loss, you could wake up on your 65th birthday and find that you have lost half of your lean body mass and replaced it with twice as much fat!" And while that should be common sense, unfortunately, not a lot of people think that far in advance. So many of us want immediate results (Guilty, part of one right here) and we don't realize that if we want true, lasting results, we can't be so short-sighted.

Summed up, Joey discusses the benefits of HIIT (high-intensity interval training) opposed to standard cardio work in regards to actual fat burning. In a different article I read last night, it was further explained to me that during HIIT, you increase your anaerobic threshold, which (without going into lengthy, scientific explanation) means more muscle is built and more fat is burned.

The thing that constantly amazes me is that given how popular HIIT is becoming that there are still thousands of people who stick with the same boring routine: 10 minute warm up, 3-5 miles at a steady pace on the treadmill and a 10-minute cool down. That's anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour spent exercising and you're getting a fraction of the results you can get by doing a work-out that can take as little as four minutes (by doing Tabata, which is what I do now) or 15-20-minutes (by doing standard HIIT, what I did before I discovered Tabata). I just don't understand why someone would choose to work harder and longer when the results are so much better working shorter and smarter.

Anyway...something to chew on for thought tonight. As always - research, read, investigate, question and clarify everything you read. I don't have all the answers, but I pay mighty-close attention to those who do.

Thank you, Joey for allowing me to feature your article on my blog. xo

It's working! It's working!

So for the last few months, I've been lamenting the fact that the scale has virtually stood still, so a few weeks ago I went to my doctor who did a basal metabolic scan. This scan is done electronically and is as simple as a couple of sticky pads hooked up to some wires. It takes less than 30 seconds. Easy peasy.

Today was the first doctor visit I've had since the scan last month. I was thrilled with the results and so was he. My last scan was done in January 2008.

Since the last scan, I have:

• Lost 11lbs of body fat
• Gained 2lbs of lean muscle tissue
• Gained ~ 3liters of total body water
• Gained 6lbs of support structure

My BMI has gone from 44.6 to 43.43 and my basal metabolic rate has increased from 1549 to 1609.

I know that these numbers may not make much sense to you. If you'd like an explanation, read further. If not, suffice it to say that all of these numbers have moved in the right direction and all of my work has paid off this last year. I'm SO happy with these numbers!!!


***
Further explanation:

Body Fat: This is pure body fat that I have shed since the last scan. On the Jan 08 scan, I had 145.2 lbs of body fat. This scan, I have 134.3lbs.

Lean Muscle Tissue: This is pure muscle that I have gained since my last scan. On the Jan 08 scan, I had 54.6 lbs of lean muscle mass. This scan, I have 56.6

Total Body Water: This is how much water is in my body. The higher the number, the better hydrated I am. Contrary to what it may seem, this is NOT indicative of bad water retention.  Last scan, I had 42.5L. This scan I had 45.3L

Support Structure: This consists of the parts of the body used for structure - bones, ligaments, tendons, etc. My last scan, I had 56.0lbs of support structure. This scan, I have 62.1lbs.

BMI: Body Mass Index - a statistical measure of weight/height to determine a healthy level of fat. While I am still considered "obese" the numbers are going down. Last scan: 44.6. This scan, 43.3.

Basal Metabolic Rate: the number of calories your body burns while resting in order to maintain normal body functions. Meaning, if all I do is breathe that day, I can take in ___ calories and maintain my weight. Last scan, my BMR was 1549. This scan is 1609.

Again, while in and of themselves, the numbers from this scan are not great, when compared to the last scan, there's significant progress being made. I have to keep these numbers in mind when I get discouraged that the scale isn't going up or down or that my pants are getting looser fast enough.

I'm very encouraged by this progress. :)

Basketcase, party of one, your table is ready

So this week has pretty much been hell: PCLD (Post-Concert Let Down for those out there unfamiliar with the term), Celtics loss, financial stress and knowing that I'm not in New York City this weekend for the be-all-end-all of concerts as my boys play Radio City Music Hall for the first time.

As we've established, I'm an emo-eater. Stress? Eat. Sickness? Eat. Depressed? Eat. Happy? Eat. Angry? Eat.

Do you see a pattern here?

Combine my emo-eating with travel & laziness and you've got the recipe for a weight gain. This could truly end badly and that scares me.

*sigh*

So back on the wagon I go. I've been neglecting this blog (and subsequently you, my readers) far too long. Hold me accountable, dammit!!!

On a side note, when I stopped weighing myself (because the fucking scale hadn't moved more than 5 spots up or down in over three months), I got on the other day and dropped 11lbs or some such shit. I'm at 239. Go me!!

Foodie revisited

I said it before. I'll say it again. I. Love. Food.

Mostly, I love all the stuff that's bad for me, but I enjoy salads and fruits & vegetables, too. 

That being said, I was a BAD girl on vacation. Having never visited California before, I wanted to take in as many of the new foods as I could. I knew I'd work it all off either climbing the hills in SF or working out (if I didn't feel I got the exercise I needed during the day).

When I got into San Francisco Friday night, the first thing we did was go to In n' Out (Damn you, Harry Snyder!). Upon the recommendation from one of my followers (ahem, totally calling you out, @MichaelTimmons!), I ordered the #1 with animal-style fries and a chocolate shake. This thing was AMAZING. The burgers are all made fresh, as are the fries. The shake was to die for and I appreciated every artery-clogging bite of my meal. YUM. MY!

That night, Tracy, DawnL and I sat around and had some wine. This wine was the sweetest, most flavorful wine I've ever tasted. (Shameless plug for Fantasia from Castello di Amorosa in Napa.) Again - definitely not on the diet. But oh so good!

On Friday, Tara, Tracy and I headed to the Wharf. We bypassed the Ben & Jerry's shop and the pretzel & cotton candy stand (much to my dismay), but had a delicious dinner at the Pier Market. While I should've probably avoided the creamy chowder, I didn't. I did however avoid the fish and chips (save for a couple small bites Tracy shared with me - that stuff was amazing!). I had the New England clam chowder and a salad instead (and a delicious cocktail). I won't think about the number of empty calories in any of it.

Fortunately, this dietary wrist-slit was counteracted by the miles we walked around at the Wharf and up and down Lombard Street that day. I don't feel too guilty about it. I also didn't buy anything at Ghiradelli Square, so there's that. (Does the single square of chocolate they gave us as a sample count? I don't think so.) 

We joined DawnL later that night for dinner at The Silk Road. I skipped the liquor and had water instead (go me!). They brought us a killer appetizer of flat bread and some Mediterranean salsa thing (balsamic vinegar & olive oil based. Need I say more?).

For dinner, I debated between the ravioli and the lamb shank. Committed to trying new things, I opted for the lamb. I wasn't disappointed. It was DELICIOUS! It was served in a unique tomato sauce, garlic mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. 

Saturday brought me a few handfuls of movie popcorn (shameless plug for MacGruber. Go see it!) and some Sour Patch Kids. It also brought me a corndog late in the afternoon from Dairy Queen (hey, I bypassed the Blizzard. Gimme some credit.) and another late night visit to In n' Out. I skipped the cheese on my double burger and ate my fries with just the special sauce instead of animal-style. Obviously I should've skipped the whole damn place, but I did all right with what I could. We rounded out the night at home with some more wine (Yes, I drank the entire bottle of Moscato while I was there, so sue me).

Sunday, I had lunch with an old classmate and we went to Pasta Pomodoro. I ordered the Conchiglie Gamberi and like everything else this weekend, it wasn't healthy. It was pasta shells with asparagus, tomatoes and shrimp with a cream & shrimp stock sauce. De. Lish.

Sunday night we finished out our weekend with a decandent dinner at Bruno's on Fillmore. The girls opted for cheesy garlic bread, but I chose the calamari at our waiter's suggestion. It was good, but nothing special. The lasagna and salad, though. HOLY COW! Good stuff!!!

What's the point of this (very tempting) blog? The point is, you can be human. You can have a weekend of selfish indulgence. You can "cheat" from time to time. Just don't make a habit of it. I put on 3-4lbs this weekend, but I'll work it back off. I have realistic expectations of myself and I'm willing to deal with the consequences of my actions. A weekend like this will mean more time on the treadmill, but it was worth it. I got to try new things and not worry about the shouldn't do's.

The numbers don't lie

It's easy sometimes when you're as big as I am to look at yourself in the mirror and not see a big difference in progress. Over the last year I've seen my sizes go down, but until just now, I hadn't realized just how much weight/inches I've lost total.

To put it in perspective:

Since last May, I've maintained a 20lb weight loss. I was up to 37lbs down at one point, but slacked off and gained 17lbs back. (NOT happy about this, btw.) I've lost 3" off my bust, 2" off my chest, 6" off my waist and 4" off my hips. My legs are as solid as solid gets, so I've only lost an inch off my thighs and a half inch off my calves. My biceps are becoming more defined, though. I've lost 2" off of those (goodbye fat, hello muscle!). My neck has fluctuated an inch one way or another all year long.

I could very easily complain about those 17lbs gained or the fact that I've plateaued, but instead, I choose to celebrate how far I've come. I still have a long way to go, but I'm confident I will get there. I didn't get to this size overnight and I won't lose it overnight, either. I'm okay with that...even for as frustrated as I get.

People (myself included) put a lot of emphasis on actual pounds lost or gained, but we have to remember that it's not all about pounds. It's inches, too. How do your clothes fit? Do your ankles feel puffy? Can you see your collarbone? One of my first goals last year wasn't to get into a smaller sized dress. It was to be able to buckle the strap on a pair of sexy-ass shoes I'd gotten the year before for my birthday. Sure enough, my first goal met was getting into those shoes. It's not about the weight, girls. It's about overall health & fitness.

I'm kicking ass, I feel good and that's what counts!

Sooooo....Tabata?

So as it stands, I haven't lost a pound since my last weigh-in, a week ago Saturday. Obviously I'm disappointed by this, but I'm gonna stick with this tabata thing for a while. I've got some travel coming up, which will interfere with my workout schedule and diet, so I'm trying to keep an open mind and make sure that I'm giving this new workout the right amount of time to start working. If, after a month, I don't see a difference in weight and/or inches, then I'll reevaluate then.

Until then, as it stands, I'm still hovering at 245.

sigh

What a Marshmallow!

My favorite line in "New Moon" is when Jacob calls Mike a "marshmallow." It just makes me giggle.

But he's right. Mike was a marshmallow.

My point?

So am I.

I've been sitting here pity partying about not losing any weight, not dropping any sizes, not losing any inches. Wah, wah, wah. *insert one of my typical eyerolls here*

Here's the thing. I'm pussing out on my workouts. That's the only thing I can come up with. I've been a complete marshmallow and I haven't pushed myself as hard as I can on my workouts. I've been focused on doing X number of reps in an X amount of time. When I get a little winded, I slow down or I cut my reps. When I get sick of drinking water, I switch to herbal tea. When I want a Coke, I have one.

What the hell?

Yeah, cuz that will work well for losing weight.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to push myself harder, push myself longer, dig deeper for what I know is there. I've lost focus and I can't do that anymore.

I bought a new pair of capris the other day. I went up a size. Screw that noise. I'm not going to get fatter. Period. Ain't happening.

What about you? Are you a marshmallow? Are you pushing yourself hard enough?

Day three on the "new" workout

I did Tabata on Saturday and again Sunday. I wouldn't recommend this because your body needs a day of rest between cardio workouts. I did it because I'd gotten off schedule (I am scheduled to do cardio 3x a week and weights twice a week) and tried to get caught back up. I also wanted to teach @projectdance how to do Tabata because she was interested in spicing up her workout. (She agrees that its the easiest/hardest workout she's ever done. Easiest because it only takes 4 minutes. Hardest because it kicks. your. ass.)

Sunday, I overdid some yardwork and ended up pulling a shoulder muscle and I've been feeling pretty miserable, trying to baby it a little bit until it heals. So today, I took it easy on the shoulder weights, but I did some circuit training as well as 100's and some crunches on the inclined bench. I rounded out my workout with a tan, which is my little mini-reward after every workout.

So far, I'm feeling good about this change in my workout. The Tabata was easier the second day and I suspect it will continue to get better, which is great, but my biggest hope is that it kickstarts my metabolism into gear again. We'll see how it goes!