If you're looking for a biography, you're not going to find it here. Any random Google search will probably tell you I'm married with kids and have lived within 50 miles of my birthplace for the majority of my life. My Facebook albums will show you what I look like. My Twitter feed will give you a taste of what I'm doing currently. But who am I, really?
I'm many things - sometimes I'm quiet and shy, frequently reclusive and agoraphobic, sometimes bitchy and mean, often sarcastic and witty, occasionally charming and coy, always flirtatious and fun-loving.
I'm mouthy, sassy and opinionated. I'm also loving, affectionate, romantic and sentimental. I like animals more than kids (my own and a few others excepted) and would rather cook a meal at home than eat out at a restaurant (usually). I open my home to just about anybody, but lock my car at the grocery store. I pick up pennies in a parking lot, but rarely recycle pop cans. I believe in luck, fate and superstitions, but have a deep faith in God.
I still keep in touch with people I knew from kindergarten. Three of my best friends have known me for more than twenty years, yet I make new friends every day and I'm as fiercely protective and loyal to them as I am the ones who've been here all this time. I'm friends with convenience store clerks and celebrities, both. I consider the confidences shared by either to be just as important as the other and would never betray a trust.
I, however, sometimes trust too easily and it's come back to bite me in the ass more than once. I just can't fathom giving less than all of who I am. I, albeit naively, expect the same in return from others. Deceitfulness is the most serious of sins in my eyes and if someone has lied to me, it's rare that they are given a second chance with me.
I love the outdoors - but only when it's not too hot. Or too cold. Or too windy or rainy. I love thunderstorms and blizzards, but don't want to be caught in my car during either one. I love flowers and home-grown tomatoes, but don't enjoy gardening. I will walk through a ditch fending off ticks & snakes to get the perfect picture of a fence post, but can't stand mosquitoes or ants at a picnic.
I rearrange my furniture all the time but have only bought new towels once. I burn candles constantly but never use air freshener. I love painting and redecorating but can't stand the thought of paying someone else to do either. My ceiling fans are on year-round, even if means turning up my thermostat a little bit. I love hardwood floors and Berber carpet but don't own either.
I used to live my life based on what was on TV any given moment. Now, the TV stays primarily off and music fills my world. I have Kid Rock and Tschaikovsky on the same playlist. I also have a playlist of songs from Disney Movies and soundtracks to movies that I've written in my head.
My wardrobe has seen better days, but I hate shopping for clothes. My closet is filled with things I hardly ever wear and the top of my dresser is always covered with clothes I wear constantly. I love shoes and would sell my soul for a comfortable pair of high heels, but truth be told I prefer to be barefoot. My favorite piece of clothing is an orange sweatshirt that I bought years ago. It's six sizes too big and the lettering is coming off. My husband hates it. Maybe he shouldn't have proposed to me while I was wearing it.
I'm traditional and old-fashioned and I think the feminist movement was the biggest mistake in the 20th century. But I'm not afraid to change the oil in my car, fix a leaky pipe or build a bookshelf without a man's help, especially if he offers because he doesn't think I can do it myself. I can open my own doors, but I love it when a man does it for me. Same goes for paying the check.
I'm a information gatherer. I have more random trivia stored in my brain (and sometimes the notebooks in my office) than anyone could possibly imagine, yet I don't share even a fraction of it with anyone else. I'm nosy and curious, but never to the detriment of others. I'm the go-to girl my friends turn to when they can't remember a name or a place. If I don't already know the answer, I'll spend hours researching it fully and give them more information than they ever bargained for. Unfortunately my hunger for knowledge also makes me incredibly argumentative, especially if I know the facts and I'm passionate about the subject.
I can belch the alphabet but I can also tell you exactly which piece of silverware to use during each course of a multi-course meal. I can drink a beer from a bong or sip champagne from a piece of Waterford stemware. I'm equally comfortable doing either.
I enjoy sitting outside at a baseball game or tailgating outside a football stadium, but my heart belongs at the Gahden. I bleed green. Always have. Always will. People are often surprised at my passion, loyalty and knowledge of Celtics basketball. They also often make the mistake of calling me a fair-weather fan and assume that my love for Boston coincides with my love for a certain boy band. Make no mistakes. I've been a Boston fan before there even was a boy band from that city.
I'm sharp-tongued and quick-witted. My words are biting and I've often offended others by things I've said. Rarely has that been intentional, but I apologize nonetheless when I've done someone wrong. I don't like the taste of crow, but I will eat it when I'm wrong. I take responsibility for the things I say and do.
I'm loyal to my friends and trusting to a fault. Some of my friends have been here for more than thirty years. Some were here for mere days. I love them all. My friends come from all walks of life: gas station clerks, clergy, soldiers, cops, lawyers, actors, comedians, musicians, stay-at-home-parents, publicly renowned icons...and I have something in common with every last one of them. I would take a bullet for any of them and I expect they'd say the same for me. I say what's on my mind and most of the time I don't filter it. Odd for someone who hates confrontation as much as I do, isn't it? I'm ballsy as hell online but rather meek in person. If I'm confronted, however, I won't back down. I've been told I'm willing to stand my ground, even if no one stands beside me and it's true.
Growing up, the fear of being laughed at or judged by those around me controlled my every waking moment. Over time I've learned that the ability to laugh at myself is key to a happy life. I still get embarrassed sometimes, but I've embraced the fact that I will do stupid shit and I will get laughed at for it. I might as well beat them to the punch.
While I love attention, I'm not an attention whore. I have no room for drama or childish crap in my life. If you act like a 12 yr old, take your ball and go home. I have better things to do than patronize your pity parties, jealousy, gossip, hissy fits and tantrums. My own kids don't pull that crap. I'm not about to let somebody else do it.
I'm a complicated person when it comes down to it, but if there's anything you'll learn about me its that I will do my best to make you laugh: either at yourself for taking life too seriously or at me for not taking it seriously enough.