GAH!

So I went back to the gym today for the first time in almost two months. Yes, I've been a lazy ass for that long. I was actually really disgusted with myself when I came to that realization. Some inspiration I am, huh? *shudder*

Anyway, the gym. Sooooo...that beefed up workout? Kicked. My. Fat. Ass.

I will again preface this blog with DEEP gratitude to @BootCampJoey for helping me come up with it. I'm still in the "construction" stages of this thing - finding my groove, getting back into the habit and figuring out my exact rhythm, but I think it's going to be good once everything falls into place.

I've said before that I don't sweat when I work out. I'm usually plenty hydrated, so it's not that. I just don't sweat. My heart rate hits the 70-80 percentile and I'm huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf, I just don't sweat.

Well, I sweated today. I sweated where I didn't even realize I had sweat glands (Gross. You're welcome.)

I did a five minute stretch before-hand (probably should've done more, now that I am reflecting). I need to talk to @DonniesDancer about some stretches I can do. She's my sensei in everything stretchy.

I got on the treadmill and did a five minute warm-up walk at 3.0 mph at a 10% incline. Usually my warm-ups are 2.5, so I did increase that.

Then.

Came.

Hell.

I cranked up the pace to a steady 7.5 mph. I used the hand grips instead of pumping my arms because with  my short legs I wasn't sure if I could get my strides big enough and keep them up and I feared falling. (Nothing would suck ass worse than falling on the treadmill at that speed.) I did this for 30 seconds. This is where I felt like I was going to die and wondered if the funeral parlor make-up would cover the treadmill burns on my face from where I fell.

Paced back to 3.0 for 30 seconds.

Next sprint I did a 7.0 for 45 seconds. Paced back to 3.5. for about a minute.

Next sprint, I went for  6.5 for 45 seconds, downtimed at 3.0 for a minute.

Next sprint I went for 7.0 again for 45, downtimed at 3.0 for 45.

My last sprint I did 7.0 for 30 seconds and downtimed at 3.0 for 30.

My cool down consisted of 5 minutes at 2.0 and emptying my water bottle.

BUT, I didn't fall. I didn't die and even after my 5 minute of stretching afterward, I'm not sore. WOO! (I did, however, tweet Joey: "I'm gonna kick your ass as soon as I find my legs" in Portuguese.  - Love you, man!)

After having taken two months off and gaining back a few pounds, I'm going to have a couple weeks of misery before I'm back in sync with my body and get this thing figured out. Am I where I want to be? Hell no. But I'll get there. This is a good start. Before I know it, I'll be wondering why I waited so long to do it.

Day 2 of my assassination resumes tomorrow night, provided the lactic acid in my muscles hasn't atrophied by then.