Recovery

I've been home for two days now and I'm over this whole recovery thing.

I spent all day Sunday in a deep, indescribable fog. The narcotics had their dirty, seductive way with me and left a dense haze in their wake. I finally submerged from the fog sometime late Sunday afternoon and managed to deal with the pain taking only half of the pills I had been taking.

It's no secret I hate pain pills, but I did learn last time that I have to take them regardless. Thankfully, in talking with a nurse friend, she suggested I take the non-narcotic pill on the steady basis and take the others only when I needed to. Advice was heeded.

I awoke this morning with a start. And by a start, I mean like a sonic boom. It woke me from a dead sleep like a damn bomb went off. Scared me so bad and I couldn't get calmed back down right away. Thankfully, Midget came out to check on me. I was in pain, but not so much that I wanted to take narcotics, so I went back to bed.

I was able to stay on top of the pain, for the most part today, but I'm getting to that point when the fog is gone and the irritation sets in. I hate that I can't do more. One minute I'll feel good enough to stand and make myself a bowl of soup and an hour later, I'll be so tired that even going to the bathroom sends me exhausted to the couch for the next three hours. Patience is not my strong suit.

Overall, Hubs and Ann Marie tell me I'm doing better than I did with the last surgery, but most times, it doesn't feel like that.

I have been able to enjoy my bird feeders a little today, though and even took a few pictures that I posted on Facebook. AM brought us Chinese for lunch and Mom (her step-mom...and let's face it, mine, too) sent up a rotisserie chicken with potatoes for supper. It was nice not to have to worry about cooking anything and I'm sure Hubs appreciates having one less thing to worry about, especially given what a difficult patient I am most of the time.

I'm trying to stay busy and I'm also trying to sleep as often as I can. Right now, I'm just at that "I hate everything" stage. Let's hope it passes.

Home.

Today sucked. That's about the best way I can sum it up.

The IV had to come out. The problem was two of my three meds were going through it and Kris, my day nurse, stated quite matter-of-factly that I wouldn't be able to get those meds if the IV came out. She didn't offer to call the doctor to see what he wanted to do. She didn't think to see if I could get those meds in pill format. She didn't think to see if we could put another IV in. Nope. She went straight to, "You can't have those two drugs."

The problem was that even with all three drugs, I wasn't able to stay on top of the pain. Even with all three in my system, I was staring down the barrel of a 7 on the pain threshold. At one point, I was 20 mins late on a dose and was teetering on a 10 and in tears. It wasn't pretty.

Now, know what that 10 felt like and knowing that was just being late...the thought of being without two of those three meds sent me into a panic attack. (Which, I might add, NOBODY knew I had an anxiety issue. It wasn't marked in my chart - even though the doctor who prescribed the Ativan entered it into the same system the entire hospital/medical center uses. It's a joint system.) I cried and honestly, don't remember the rest. I just knew that if I tried to explain to my nurse what was wrong, I would end up screaming at her and she didn't deserve that. Well, mostly not, anyway...she could've used some fucking initiative if you ask me, but nobody bothered asking me, so I digress. So I asked Hubs to talk to her...which he did. And within 30 mins, I had two more nurses in my room. One was talking me through my panic attack. The other was from Peds and was figuring out the best spot to put another IV so I could get the last few doses of pain meds before I left the hospital.

I did end up missing a full dose of the two IV meds, but I was able to get at least one more dose of each in. Unfortunately, it put me behind the 8 ball pain-wise and I spent the afternoon with ice packs and sleeping to try and block it out. I got about a 3 hour nap. I awoke to find out that the nurse who talked me through the panic attack was my 2nd shift nurse (YAY!) and the nurses aide was the same one I had the last time I was in the hospital in February. Both women were great and talked to me for a long time when they came on shift.

I felt better after my nap and despite not having the IV meds anymore, I wasn't experiencing too much pain. I managed to take a shower and eat some supper. What I forgot to do, however, was take another dose of the Percoset (the one med I was taking by pill). So now I'm playing catch-up. Without IV meds. And without Perc...b/c the pharmacy closed at 7. But I do have vicodin and tramadol, so I can use those until I can get my Perc Rx filled. And I can take my anxiety meds, too, if I need them.

I wanted another day in the hospital, but honestly, now that I'm home and being taken care of by my bestie/sister and my hubby...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. AM baked me a pie. Hubby bought me pierogi. Pretty sure life can't get better.

Well, if this pain would go away, that'd be great, but overall, I am already doing better than I was after the last surgery at a week out, so there's that.

I see my doctor again in a couple weeks. Unless something monumental happens between now and then, I don't anticipate any updates. Your continued prayers and good thoughts are welcome, though.

And thank you to Brandi, Jeny and my in-laws for the beautiful flowers. They're brightening up my living room as we speak.

Another update

Hi kids. Me again.

I should've just waited until my doctor came in, but I didn't figure he'd be in before noon. But he came in bright and early at 8am.

He said the surgery went well. the left ovary looked good, but the uterus was a firm, puffy mess. He said it looked like there were numerous fibroids but that pathology would cut into it and get a better idea of what was going on.

He said he'd love to keep me in the hospital until tomorrow but insurance probably wouldn't allow it, but I can, at least stay until after diner tonight. It's not what I want but its not up to me, apparently.

at this given moment, I'm waiting for my nurse to come figure out why my IV got "infiltrated" and what she's gonna do about it. feels like a rock under my skin and it hurts like hell.

Uggggh!

Post-surgery update

Please keep in mind I'm under the influence of heavy narcotics, so this may or may not make sense. If not, then leave a comment with your questions and I'll try to clarify.

My bestie was a clown yesterday and I love her for it. When she joined me back in pre-op, she brought a tiara, beads and a sign to commemorate my hysterectomy. We each had signs, as well. I was Queen Uterus Removus and she was the Royal Jesterectomy.

And when I came up to my room after surgery, I discovered balloons and a pennant banner that read "Happy This-Uterus-Is-Hyster-Ectom-Y Day." I even had confetti on my wheeled tray. I love her for keeping my mood lighthearted. She's a keeper, that one.

And on a funny side note, as I started to come-to in recovery, I overheard the team of nurses discussing Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. It was actually kinda cool and made me want to wake up more quickly so I could partake in the discussion.

My uterus and cervix have been removed. My doctor left the left ovary (for reasons explained in a previous blog). He did look it over and determined that the cysts he saw were from ovulation, which is perfectly normal (so I'm told). They're the type that go away on their own and he tells me they're nothing to worry about. He was able to do the surgery vaginally with laporascopic help (which is the much better option as far as recovery goes. I'm in a lot of pain - in fact, I'm surprised how much I hurt from things that aren't there anymore. Gotta love phantom pain. But the doctor has kept me wonderfully sedated.

I intensely disliked yesterday's nurse as she was quite condescending at times and couldn't seem to understand me when I asked her for things. (For instance, I asked for a refill on my water and she said "I'll be right back with your Percoset." Which normally? Who doesn't wanna hear "Lemme get you more narcs" but when your lips are stuck together, you kinda want the water first. But I digress.) But last night's nurse and my overnight nurse were fantastic.

I was allowed to have real food the minute I got back to my room yesterday, but I feel it was too soon, as I was very crampy later on in the day. I've taken it a bit easier since then, opting for beef broth and lots of water instead of eating heavier things. I will say the apple pie I had at dinner last night was the best I've ever gotten that wasn't homemade. So there's that.

Because of my pain levels and the troubles I had the last time they kept me only over night, I am going to plead with my doctor to keep me another day. While I'm shuffling around here without too much trouble, the thought of a 45-min drive home followed by climbing steps doesn't greatly appeal to me just yet. In fact, truth be told, I probably overdid it yesterday, but the floor nurse was super busy last night and I couldn't wait a half hour for her to help me get to the bathroom. And Hubby was already sleep and it was like trying to wake the dead when he's asleep.

On a good note, the night nurse let me change into my own sleep clothes last night, so I'm a bit more comfortable than I was in the hospital gown. Of course, in doing so, she had to disconnect my IV and I promptly bled all over my bedding and spilled some on my nightgown too. Oh well...I'm in MY clothes, so that's what counts. (And I have the stuffed giraffe Midget gave me before I left the house - who incidentally also has a wristband like mine.)

Anyway...I'll keep y'all posted, but there we are, as it stands.

Thank you, everyone for your prayers, thoughts and good wishes. I may haven't have replied to everyone individually, but I have seen them and I am so grateful for your love.

This week's update

Three days until my surgery.

I had some questions for my doctor, so he called me tonight and we discussed them.

I've been pushing for a full hysterectomy - since my right ovary came out in February, that means my left ovary would come out along with my uterus and the cervix as well. I was confident that my kinesiologist could help me balance the hormone issues with supplements and nutritional changes.

However, in talking with my doctor tonight, I've changed my mind on removing my left ovary. While I'm still scared that I'm going to have to have it removed due to cysts at some point, my doctor advised me that studies have shown that full hysterectomies in women my age can lead to a shortened life-span due to hormone loss. Shortened by five to ten years.

FIVE. TO. TEN. YEARS.

That's a biiiiiiiiiiiig amount of time. I'm not ready to gamble my life span on an ovary that may or may not be bum yet.

We'll talk more on Friday, but as it stands, Lefty will stay unless there is substantial evidence that it will need to come out in the near future anyway. They're still planning on trying to do the surgery laparoscopically (sp? Do I even care how it's spelled at this point?) unless there are issues that prevent it once they're in there.

I'll get a call on Thursday from the hospital letting me know what time my surgery is.

*deep breath*

Let's do this.

Cleared for take-off.

I have been given the green light for surgery. I went to see the internal medicine doctor yesterday to get clearance for surgery and she gave it. My blood pressure was well within the normal range (Thanks to skipping my morning coffee, I'm sure) and she said I'm in good health.

I also talked to her about my increased anxiety and as much as I hate that I had to do it, I did let her give me a prescription for an anti-anxiety pill. It's one that I only have to take as needed, so I won't be a prisoner to it, so that's good. She also said it can help me sleep, which would be nice, too. Although, at this point, sleeping is the least of my worries. I'll sleep when I'm tired. Which may be in June. Who knows.

Update

The depression seems to be lifting a little bit, so that's good. I'll take it. I'll also take the absence of a period in the last 10 days. I've been crampy a lot, but no period so far.

I have an appointment tomorrow with an internal medicinist for my pre-surgical check-up. The only thing I'm a bit worried about is my blood pressure. It's been higher than normal at previous doctor visits and I'm hoping it won't be a hindrance to get this surgery.

And the surgery is 11 days away. It can't come soon enough. I'm ready to get to the recovery part of this process so I can enjoy my summer.

The emotional part of all this.

Last night, Hubs and I were at dinner and apparently someone sitting near us had a baby because I caught the very faintest whiff of a brand new Pampers diaper. Those of you who've used them know the scent I'm talking about. It's hard to describe to those who haven't, but it's a smell I remember from my childhood when my siblings were first having their babies and I remember being excited about growing up and having my own babies someday. I would always use Pampers because that's what you were supposed to use, right? Anyway, as I sat there last night and caught the scent in the air, I burst into tears.

Why?

I'm done with having babies - have been for fifteen years, mind you. I don't want any more babies and haven't for quite some time, but I guess the finality of it all hit me knowing that this surgery takes the choice of having one out of my hands. Not that my bum uterus could handle another pregnancy even if I did get my tubes untied, but the option was always mine, you know?

Thankfully, Hubby just held my hands while I cried and nodded in understanding. He's a super trooper like that.

Now, fast forward to this morning when I woke up to the fourth period I've had since the middle of last month. The woman I am today, kinda wants to strangle that emo bitch I was last night.

I'm so fucking over this already.

20 days and counting.

Mini-update

My regular doc (my kinesiologist) suggested I take an immunity booster (Immucore) which is what I normally take only when I'm starting to feel under the weather. It'll put my immunity system levels where they should be so I don't get sick before my surgery and it'll also help me fight any possible infections that stem from the surgery. Then, after the operation, I'll go back on the Surgical Health Formula supplements which help rebuild healthy tissue after trauma. He also wants me to take a nutritional test after the surgery to see what my body is the most lacking in, so we can take care of that before it gets out of hand.

He tried to treat some of the symptoms (including the cramping) I've had, but I don't think the adjustments took. I'm in a pretty good amount of pain tonight and what had tapered off period-wise has returned. Can't seem to catch a break there. It's frustrating.

I did, however, pick up my Vicodin tonight and will be sleeping under the influence of it tonight.

My emotional stress is still high. Although I'm not as depressed as I was these last few days, I'm still dealing with outside influences that make my blood pressure rise -- the last thing I should have happening right now.

But I digress and continue to take it day-by-day. All I can do.

This week's update on the girly parts

I finally talked to the doctor tonight for a few minutes and he's set a tentative surgery date for May 18th for a full hysterectomy. He said at my age, if there wasn't a real need for the left ovary to come out, he'd leave it in, but since there are cysts there now, too, it probably needs to come out. I agreed, arguing that I don't want to go through another surgery in a year when those cysts have grown and are causing me pain, too. I'd much rather deal with turbulent hormones that can be treated holistically, nutritionally and, as a last resort, medicinally than have to recover from yet another surgery.

He's still trying to work with the hospital in getting me in sooner than May 18th, but because he's only allotted a certain number of days in the OR, he's got to take what he can get. So, at the very latest, that's when my surgery will be. If he can get something sooner, he will. 

He's cautiously optimistic that he can do this laparoscopically, but has told me, "don't be surprised if you wake up with an abdominal incision." If they can do it lap/vaginally, then I'll be in the hospital probably overnight and have about a 3 week recovery period. If they have to do a full abdominal surgery, I'm looking at probably 2-3 days in the hospital and at least six weeks recovering. Considering the last surgery was laparoscopic and it took me six weeks to fully recover when they told me 2, I'm not overly optimistic and plan on allowing myself most of the summer to get back up to speed. This means my 5k's will have to wait and that's fine. I'll get to them when I can.

In the meantime, I'm dealing with the third period I've had in less than six weeks. The cramps aren't the level 10 they were last week, but after three days at a level 4, I'd gladly take 8 hours at a 10 and be done with them. This is like Chinese water torture. The doctor prescribed me stronger pain pills, so I'll go pick those up tomorrow. I don't want to take them, but at least I've got them to take if things get worse.

I'm dealing with a lot of emotional issues regarding this surgery that I wasn't counting on. While I've been pushing for this procedure for years, it is a major surgery and there are always risks involved. I'm sure that my biggest issues revolve around the fact that I lost my mom at such a young age. Granted, that situation was much different than this is, but there are so many semantics that are the same and I'm scared. The hard part is hearing from everybody, "you'll be fine," and not being able to trust that completely. That's the great thing about anxiety - it trusts nobody. And by "great," I mean shitty. I haven't really stopped crying since Friday and at this point, I'm pretty much impossible to be around.

I'm also learning who I can lean on and who I can't as this surgery approaches. I'm discovering who is on the selfish side and who would give me their own uterus if I needed one. Here's the thing, I have a major problem asking for help. If it's offered, I'm slowly learning how to accept it, but I will almost never outright ask for it. What bothers me, though, is people who say "If you need anything, let me know" and then can't (or, more likely the case, won't) step up when they're asked. If you truly can't help, I understand. Not everyone is able to help and I respect that. But (and I'm really trying to choose my words carefully here because I'm so upset right now), if you've offered specific help and then you withdraw that offer when we ask you about it, then you shouldn't have offered to begin with. I'll leave the details out because at this point, I don't even want this person's help, but suffice it to say, my feelings were very hurt tonight by a member of my own family. Thankfully, I'm blessed with the most amazing friends on the planet who will, undoubtedly be there for me as I recover from this. 

That being said, I am withdrawing from a lot of people right now. Some of it is because I'm tired of having my feelings hurt. Some of it is because I just don't have the extra energy to deal with other people's drama. Some of it is because I don't want to bring other people down with the depression I'm dealing with. But mostly, it's because I absolutely cannot get sick right now. A sinus infection, the flu, even a cold could mean my surgery gets postponed until June. I just can't wait that long. The only reason I'm waiting until May 18th is because that's the best date they can give me at this point. I don't plan on going anywhere to visit friends and family until after my surgery. Hell, if I can get out of going to the grocery store, I'll do it if it means I don't get sick. I'll Skype and email and Tweet and FB as I feel up to it, but again, I make no promises that I'll be in a good mood. I'm trying to find silver linings on a daily basis, but I suck at this "fake-it-til-you-make-it" shit, so consider yourselves warned.

So there's this week's update. My gyno's nurse is supposed to call me tomorrow with information about the surgery as well as get me an appointment with a internal medicine doctor for a pre-surgical check-up. I'm sure my BP will be a concern of theirs, but I refuse to worry about it right now. I've got too much other stuff on my mind. As I know more, I'll update you here.

Thank you to those of you who have been concerned, have offered to help and have been praying for my health. I appreciate you more than you know. You're all invited to my Uterus Bon Voyage party. ;)

More stuff about my vajayjay (High Overshare Risk)

Sooooooo.

Instead of answering a hundred questions in a hundred different places, I figured it was probably best if I just put everything down here so we're on the same page. It'll be a medical history of sorts, so if you're not into listening about the graphic detail of my lady bits, you're free to go now.

Okay...who's still with me?

*sigh*

Most importantly, I do not have cancer. It seems like an important thing to announce, so there ya go.

Also of importance:
1. My blood pressure was only slightly high today (stress about all this is probably the culprit as it's been fine the last several weeks).
2. My gynecologist is quite supportive in taking the aggressive approach toward me overcoming the issues I've been dealing with for so many years.

That being said, aside from getting to wear pretty shoes, being a woman sucks big ones.

I'm sure most of you are aware of the surgery I had in February due to a tumor on my right ovary. It wasn't cancerous, but it was a big one and both the tumor and the ovary had to be removed. My doctor assured me that while there were small cysts on both ovaries, the likelihood of it happening to the other side was minute. He looked over everything while he was in there and I was given a clean bill of health. I spent the next six weeks recovering.

About a month later, I woke up to a bed full of blood. It scared the hell out of me. I had an endometrial ablasion five years ago that had eliminated my periods, so to wake up bleeding from my 'na was alarming to say the very least. The nurse I spoke with on the phone said it didn't sound life-threatening, but I should be seen by a doctor soon. The ER PA determined it was probably just a period but to keep an eye on things if the bleeding got worse or I had any pain. Within a couple days, the bleeding tapered off and what pain I had went away. Fast forward a couple of weeks, during what would have been my ovulation period and I had quite a bit of cramping. Fortunately, I had some prescription pain killers my doctor had given me after the surgery, so I took one every once in a while and muddled through.

Then yesterday came.

Like in February, I woke up with severe cramping. I spent the morning doubled over in pain and finally succumbed to the pain killers that I've been stubborn about taking. They didn't touch the pain. Not even dwindling it from a 10 to a 9. The pain persisted for almost eight hours despite the medication I tried. (and I tried it all.) Finally, late in the afternoon, I started bleeding and within ten minutes, the pain subsided enough that I was able to control it with medicine. And, like last time, the bleeding has tapered off to almost nothing. During the height of my pain, however, I decided that I was done with it.

I was scheduled for my annual exam in May, so I called my gyno and bumped the appt up to next week. The nurse called me back and reminded me that I had an appointment today for a follow-up from my last ER visit. Thank God!

My main goal in today's appointment was to discuss the possibility of a hysterectomy.

This is where I tell you to shut up. Not you....YOU. You with the judgments and the suggestions and the alternatives and the stories about how hormonal I'll get and how this'll send me into menopause and how I'm too young for that and...and....just stop.

In my defense (and, by the way, this is the only time I'll defend this choice to anyone, so make sure you listen), I've been dealing with defunct reproductive organs for fifteen years (twenty, if you count my miscarriage in 1992). Heavy periods. Absent periods. Cramps. Irregularity. Clotting. Hemmoraging. You name it, I dealt with it. This was not a decision I came to lightly, however it is one that I've pushed for since my daughter was born in 1997. That's when my tubes were tied and my uterus was closed for business. I knew my mother's and my sister's histories with these issues and if I could possibly prevent them, I was totally prepared to do so. Nobody listened. Five years ago when I pushed for a hysterectomy, nobody listened. Instead, I was given birth control and told to try that for a few months. It didn't work. The only compromise my gynecologist (at the time...I see a new one now) was willing to give me was an endometrial ablasion. I took it. And for five years, it did was it was supposed to do. But since that five year mark passed last fall, I've had nothing but pain and problems. Painful periods, mid-month cramping and spotting, pain and spotting after sex and, as I found out in February, ovarian cysts. This hasn't been some flighty "Oh, I think I'll have them remove my uterus today" decision. I've thought about it for most of my adult life. So, thank you for your concern, but I'm asking you to keep it to yourself at this point. You should all know by now how I approach my health, so to purposefully make a choice that makes me reliant on traditional medical treatment should tell you how serious I've taken this decision.

Anyway....today's appointment.

It was supposed to have been a follow-up, but they decided to get next week's exam out of the way today. When I explained the problems I've been having since my surgery, the doctor agreed that having a hysterectomy isn't out of the question.  After the exam (one he couldn't even complete because I was in so much pain with the poking and prodding), he decided that it was probably not a bad idea to pull out the plumbing. He did send me for an ultrasound, however, so "we know what we're dealing with and aren't going in blind like last time." He said when he got the results from everything back, he'd give me a call and we could discuss our options and how we're going to approach this (referring to the type of surgery it'll be, etc), which should be by Friday.

The ultrasound tech found quite a bit of junk. First off, she identified a fibroid on my uterine wall. She said it wasn't more than a few centimeters and probably wasn't causing the problems I've been having, but it was something to keep an eye on. She mentioned that because of the ablasion the lining did look a little rough. And, much to my surprise, she discovered a cyst on my left ovary that has grown fairly rapidly since my surgery in February when I was assured it was nothing. 

I'm angry.

I'm so angry right now. (You may want to look away if profanity offends you.)

I'm so pissed that my doctors didn't listen to me in '97. I'm pissed that they didn't listen to me in 2006. I'm pissed that they could've removed all this shit back in February. But not one person, with their medical fucking degrees, said "Oh. You know, she might know her body better than we do. I mean, we've got a Chilton's manual for how her engine is supposed to run, but she is the person who drives this car every day and probably knows what's going on." NOBODY for ONE fucking second stopped and said "This girl, who seems to know quite a bit about her body and the medical terms we've thrown at her over the years, do you think she might actually know something here?" NOBODY!!!

I'm also scared.

Not for myself and going under the knife again (that's a panic alllll its own - and not likely one I'll be sharing so publicly). I'm scared for what this news could mean for my daughter. How much of this mess is genetic? My mother's not even alive to ask what she had wrong that sent her for a hysterectomy at 36. Will this affect my baby girl? Will the path that my mother and I both have taken mean she's destined to take these same steps twenty years from now? I shudder at the thought.

I consider myself a pretty optimistic person when it comes to situations like these, so to feel these emotions so strongly right now is unfamiliar to me. I usually grab the bull by the horns and dare it to jerk away. Hell, usually I'm the bull. But having just come off this other surgery less than four months ago and heading into one that I'm sure will take twice as long to recover from has me feeling pretty hopeless. I hate that feeling.

But I plug on. And I'll get through it. I always do. I'm just not sure where the strength is gonna come from right now. My tank is pretty empty.

Although, if I have to look at the bright side, at least I won't have to start training for that 5k any time soon. :\

So I think I've lost my mind.

I'm sure for most of you who know me, losing my mind isn't really that newsworthy. My sister, especially, will tell you I've always been a little crazy. But that aside, this may officially make me a lunatic.

deep breath

I'm going to run a 5k.

I didn't stutter, but I'll hold on a minute while you catch your breath from the hilarity that statement caused. Go ahead. Take your time. I'll wait.

I've never been a runner. EVER. In gym class when we had to do the mile, I would jog, maybe halfway around the track, then get a stitch in my side and limp the rest of the way. I'd be the last one huffing and puffing my way into the locker room. My boobs bounced too much, I got shin splints and we won't even talk about the fire I set in my undies by the friction of my thighs rubbing together.

My thighs still rub together, but the boobs and the shin splints aren't a problem anymore and since I've decided to make this fitness thing stick, I decided that having a goal in mind would help me find purpose in all this working out. Not that "not dying" isn't a purpose (trust me, it is!), but what's the point in being fit if I can't show it off, right?

I decided in August, when my hometown does it's annual Prairie Fest, I'll be a part of it. The race begins at the park next to the house I lived in growing up. As if that won't have enough emotional bearing on me that day, I will be doing this race by myself. My bestie and I do a lot together, but because of her knees, she can't run long distances. We walk the shit out of stuff, but there's no running for the two of us together. And that's okay. Sometimes you just have to do things yourself.

So, as the song says....here I go again.

What are you doing??

I was asked today to share what I'm doing to lose weight.

"Using common sense," was the first response that popped into my head. But the more complete answer is diet and exercise.

I'm working out 4-5 times a week. Not because I can't do more or don't want to do more, but because I'm being realistic and I'm still recovering from a pretty major surgery, so I don't want to overdo it. In my workouts, I'm doing HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) every other day and weight/circuit training on the opposite days. Of the workouts in the link, I'm currently warming up with a 30 second workout. In short, that means, I'm stretching (always!!), then doing a 5 minute warm-up on the treadmill. Then I "sprint" for 30 seconds. After that 30 seconds is up, I slow it down to a more leisurely pace for 1 min 30 seconds. I repeat this 6-8 times. Then I cool down for five minutes to get my heart rate back to normal, then stretch out again. I put "sprint" in quotation marks because right now, I'm FAR from sprinting, but ideally, that's where I'll be when all is said and done. I have a LONG way to go to get back to where I want to be, but for now, my heart rate is in the cardio range and I'm okay with that pace. On days when I don't have the time for 30 mins on the treadmill, I'll switch it up and do a Tabata workout instead. Essentially, that's a 30 second sprint on the elliptical and 30 seconds at a slower pace. I repeat this four times. Add in a warm-up and cool-down and my workout is done in under 15 mins. On the alternating days when I do weight training, I go through almost the entire circuit in my gym: leg press, bench press, arm curls, leg curls, ab curls...whatever is available, I'm on it. The whole circuit, not including stretching takes me about 30 mins or so. I lift the weight that's comfortable for me and instead of increasing the weight just yet, I increase the number of reps I do. If it starts to hurt at 15, then I push to 20 and stop. I believe in endurance, not building bulk.

As far as my diet goes, it's just eating smarter. I don't really deny myself anything (although, I have cut out soda for the most part...I might have one once a week or so), it's just a matter of cutting back on portions. Instead of having a 12oz steak, I might have an 8oz instead. Or a 6. Instead of a double-burger and large fries, I cut back to a single and a small. My body still craves junk...it always will, I think...so I pacify it with the smaller portions. In the past, I've even ordered that small fries and thrown half of them away before I even sit down so I don't eat the whole thing.

One thing I absolutely REFUSE to do, however, is use artificial sweeteners like aspartame or Splenda. The dangers to chemically-enhanced sweeteners is SO much worse for me than real sugar. I'd rather go without entirely than poison my body with those things. I think I've blogged about them before, so scroll back if you want the scoop (or Google "side effects of Splenda" or "dangers of aspartame" sometime). I do, however, use Stevia sometimes, which is a natural sweetener and is becoming more popular as the dangers of the artificial/chemical sweeteners are being talked about more frequently. Overall though, my recommendation (and what I'm trying to do myself) is just cut back on the amount of sugar I use.

The rest is just like I said: common sense. Bake instead of fry. Steam instead of boil. Eat less red meat. Use oils sparingly and if you can,  Eliminate processed foods, artificial flavors/colors/dyes and incorporate as many natural/whole/organic foods as you possibly can into your diet. Our bodies weren't designed to digest all this boxed and frozen food. It simply doesn't know what to do with it.

As time goes on and I'm feeling more and more energetic, my workouts will increase and my diet will become more regimented. But, for right now, even just these few changes has yielded me some AMAZING changes. I've lost 17 lbs, 2 inches in my waist and I'm down two sizes so far. I know the weight loss won't always be this rapid, but for now? I'll take it.

Weekly Update

Hey kids!

First, I'd like to give a big, fat shout-out to Mother Nature for this AMAYYYYYYYYYY-ZING weather! It's March and I have my central air on (to kill my allergies and the humidity...don't judge me. lol). The sun has been shining, we've got part of our garden in the ground. It's GORGEOUS!

Secondly, my surgical health is going great. The incision wounds are completely healed and are a lovely shade of purple. (Okay, there may have been an eyeroll there.) In all seriousness though, that surgery could've been a LOT worse and had a much more morose outcome, so I'm thanking God for how it turned out. I'm down an ovary and up a period, but hey...it isn't cancer, so I'll take it. I'm still taking it easy when it comes to bending over and wearing pants that cut across the incision too tightly, but overall, I feel good. It's been a LONG time coming, that's for sure.

Thirdly, I'm back at the gym. We joined our old gym again last Monday and I've been four times to work out. I'd like to do more, but again, I'm easing into it. Too much, too soon will burn me out and I could still risk injury, so I'm not pushing myself very hard at this point. I want to just get my cardio back where it was in 2009 and go from there. I'm excited to know that my body still has what it takes to get healthy and in my struggles to get my cardio system back to an even keel, I'm realizing how far I let myself slip these last two years. I don't like how it feels.

I teetered the scale at 270 at the end of February. This was 8lbs higher than my highest high. This? Is un-freaking-acceptable. It's 75lbs more than my mom was at her highest weight and while I adored my mom, I was well-aware that she was "big." I didn't want to be that size. Unfortunately, thanks to two pregnancies, lousy eating and a lifetime of not exercising, I've ballooned up to much higher than her size and would give anything to be that "big" again. Soon. As of today?  

I'm down SEVENTEEN POUNDS and lost TWO inches in my waist!

Seventeen pounds in 18 days. Yes, I am aware that this is not how quickly I will continue to lose weight and I realize I've also only been at the gym for the last week. But, I have been eating differently and other than a Coke here or there to keep my caffeine withdrawal headaches at bay, I've cut out soda. I also cut out sweet tea. Instead of bacon and eggs for breakfast, I'm opting for a fresh fruit & yogurt smoothie instead.

I did enjoy a large plate of pasta the other night at Cheesecake Factory, but besides that, all I ate that day was a smoothie. Today, so far I've eaten six pierogi (yes, with melted butter), but will be working off those calories tonight at dance class.

Oh, did I tell you I joined a dance class? I did. I'm so excited about it. It's my bestie's adult hip-hop class and I can't wait to get started.

I met with a trainer yesterday at my gym and she'd like to see me even out my daily routine so I've got a regular pattern of being awake, eating, exercising and relaxing. I agree that things need to balance out and I need to get my eating habits under control. One meal a day with a smoothie isn't going to get me where I want to be, so I'll be working on that over the next few weeks.

The best news of the week, however, is that my blood pressure checked out PERFECTLY at my doctor appointment yesterday. We're back to the normal range again and, as he tells me, working out and eating right will help it stay there. He still insisted that I eliminate as much stress as possible, so I will still be avoiding those situations and I'm also still debating on joining a yoga class, but for now, I know I'm on the right path and I'm okay with where it's at right now.

How are things in your world?

Another update (Overshare risk: HIGH)

I figure it's easiest to catch people up here on my health situation, but I also realize that some people are squeamish about female body functions, so this is your warning that I'll be talking about vajayjays and all that stuff, so proceed at your own risk. :)

Five years ago, I had an endometrial ablasion due to extremely irregular/heavy periods. I was told that It may not stop my periods, but for me it did. At least until last night. I would spot from time to time, but as far as what I was used to before my ablasion, those were gone.I did have a heavier spotting last October, but it lasted only a couple hours, so for the most part, I've been happy with the results of my surgery.

Fast forward to February when we discovered the tumor and had it removed along with my ovary, which I'm sure you're aware of. My doctor didn't tell me to expect my periods to return, so it's my assumption at this point that these two things have nothing to do with one another.

Long story short, I woke up this morning to bloody sheets and clothes. At first, I thought something broke loose from my surgery and I was hemorrhaging. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, though the dial-a-nurse did feel that this sudden change in my cycle was enough to warrant a visit to ER or urgent care within a few hours. So, after spending 3 hours in the ER, they determined two things:

1) At around the 5-year anniversary of an ablasion, periods are most likely to begin returning (which means either another ablasion or a hysterectomy -- I vote for ripping out the plumbing entirely. I'm sick of dealing with this).

2) My blood pressure is HIGH. Not borderline high, not watch-and-see-if-it-gets-better-high, not try-some-Yoga-high. We're talking stroke-level-high. NOT good. I'd already planned on returning to the gym as soon as I healed fully from my surgery, so I suspect between exercise, a better diet and learning how to fucking relax once in a while I'll be in a MUCH better place. I've also got plans of going for regular massages to help with my tension levels.

So there we go, kids.

In the meantime, if you see me bowing out of conversations, avoiding confrontation or just burying my head in the sand, this is why. Don't take it personally. I just kinda don't wanna die of a stroke or heart failure.