How do you stay motivated?

Such a loaded question.

When I'm motivated, it's based on many things: how I look in the mirror, how I feel, how tight those new jeans are, how bloated my feet are, how tired I feel, how energetic I feel. There are a dozen factors and some come and go.

When I'm not feeling motivated, it helps to get feedback from Danny or Donnie. Jordan and all his talk of stretching does nothing for me, honestly. But let Danny tell me about drinking enough water or Donnie tell me to stop making excuses and do what needs to be done and I'm ALLLLL over it! I can't explain it.

I fight remnants of depression (which I've written about in earlier blogs) and getting out of the house sometimes feels overwhelming, but once I'm working out, I've had very few days when I just couldn't finish my workout. Those days usually fall on the first day after a couple days off, so naturally, it's tougher to do my regular workout on those days. My muscles are a little stiffer, my lungs a little weaker. A day or two in the gym and that goes away.

For me, my workout is guaranteed MEL time. My kids don't go with me and the hubby hasn't used his gym card since we signed up six months ago. Even when @ProjectDance goes with me, we both have our iPods on and we're just in the same room together. It's her time, too. With both of us having kids & husbands & busy lives outside of ourselves, that's sometimes the ONLY time we have that's fully ours. When you look at it as a reward, it feels like less work. Don't get me wrong...it is work, but it doesn't always feel like it.

You're the only one who can determine what motivates you. You are the maestro of your workout - find out what works for you and then work it. :)

A couple disclaimers of sorts

1. I'm NOT a medical professional.
2. I'm NOT formally educated in the medical, dietary or fitness-related fields.
3. My experiences are just that: experiences. I don't claim to be an expert on any of the things I blog about. They're simply guides as to what has worked or not worked for me.
4. If your doctor, dietician or trainer is telling you something different from what I've stated in my blogs, then GO WITH THAT. Again, I don't have the years of medical training he has.

That being said, I know what I know about myself because I take the time to research EVERYTHING I'm told - whether it be something I read online or something my doctor tells me. Yes, I question my doctor. Every time I turn around, actually. Some things he tells me makes sense. Other things, not so much. Either way, I research it so that when I'm asked "Why do you do that?" I can be ready with concrete answers and evidence of what I'm talking about.

I challenge my doctor at every turn.

Doc: "Your lymph nodes are blocked and that's why your sinuses aren't draining."
Me: "Why?"
Doc: "Well....(insert explanations here)."
Me: "What can I do to change that?" or "Why does it do that?

Honestly, I'm sure some days my doctor wants to just strangle me for all the questions I ask. I ask these questions because four years ago, I took control of my health care.

After I dealt with several bouts of unexplained facial paralysis (to this day, nobody knows what happened or why), I was told by my medical doctor (not the one I currently see) that my facial paralysis was caused by...

(wait for it...)

Depression.

Yes. Read it again: depression.

Now, I know that depression can cause a lot of physical ailments: fatigue, headaches, lethargia, insomnia, etc. But facial paralysis? Really?

I said, "But I don't feel depressed."

She said, "That's the depression talking. Here's a prescription for Lexapro." She told me the facial paralysis was probably permanent, but physical therapy would help me learn to speak more clearly over time.

This was my first dose of just how warped the medical profession had become.

(Surely I don't have to explain why I came to this conclusion, right?)

I, being the opinionated person I am, told her to take her prescription and shove it up her poorly-educated and pharmaceutically-kissed ass and left. I haven't been back.

Nor will I.

Every single symptom I have now, I take to my kinesiologist/chiropractor. When he saw my facial paralysis, he adjusted two spots in my neck. Within 20 minutes, I had feeling back, my muscles worked again and my speech and facial expressions were restored to full use. Had I blindly taken the advice of my MD, I may still have lasting effects of Bell's Palsy. Thankfully, I didn't. I researched. I learned. I chose other options.

When I try new things with my diet or exercise regimen, it's at my doctor's suggestion or because of something I've heard working for someone else. I research stuff to death and my bookmarks are filled to the brim with pages I can go to to back up why it works the way it does.

Again, I don't expect everyone to be on board with me. It'd be nice, but I'm not naive enough to think that's gonna happen. All I ask you to do is listen to what I have to say. Try it for yourself. If you choose not to, that's your problem. I know what works for me and I'm fairly certain, based on my research and experience, that it can work for you, too, but I can't make you do it.

So, that's where I'm at. Just felt the need to explain why I know what I know and why I am so firm in my beliefs that we're capable of creating healthy bodies without the use of pills, operations or ridiculous diet/exercise plans.

(Here's a picture of what I looked like when I went to my MD:)

This water thing

Some disclaimers:
Ok...first off - I'm not going to die from drinking too much water. I want to relieve your worries right now:
Water Intoxication information
More Water Intoxication info
Even more info on Water Intoxication
I am neither a six month old infant nor an athlete. Nor am I drinking obscene amounts of water in short periods of time. On average, in fact, I'm drinking one 16.9 ounce bottle an hour. And if you've been paying attention to my Twitter, I'm also urinating frequently, which is something the woman who died did not do.

Secondly, I am under my doctor's supervision. He's been my doctor for the last four years and been in the medical profession for almost 15 yrs. While he does approach health holistically, he is licensed and is more than qualified to determine what's right for my health.

Thirdly, I'm neither endorsing this as a diet plan nor am I saying it will work the same way for those who want to try it as it's working for me.


Disclaimers aside, I went to my doctor earlier this week and explained the fact that while I've been working out - maybe not quite as diligently as I should be - for the last two months consistently, I haven't dropped any weight. In fact, I've put weight on.

And before you can say, "Well, muscle weighs more than fat.." blah blah blah...

While I know this is technically true, that's not the case here. I can feel that I'm not losing fat. It's all sitting around my waist and ass. My clothes are tight. I feel bloated and I'm quite lethargic. In fact, the workout I was doing just a month ago has become difficult for me to do. This was of the biggest concern to me when I brought it to my doctor's attention.

He asked me some questions and did some diagnostic testing and determined that my body is not digesting properly due to low stomach acid. It was also determined that I'm not drinking nearly enough water for my weight/activity levels. (This would also help to explain why I don't sweat when I work out, despite my higher heart rate during my cardio-intensive workout.)

Based on these diagnoses, I have been given a supplement to help my body create more stomach acid, which will aid in my digestion and because food is being metabolized correctly, could aid in weight loss. The additional water that I'm taking in will help flush my body of the toxins it's been holding onto, increase my metabolism and aid in my overall cardiovascular & kidney health.

I've had a lot of people say "OMG, I'd die if I drank that much water." I thought that, too. Believe me, I don't ENJOY drinking water. I'd much rather have a soda or a glass of sweet tea, but those are horrible for me. Soda's high in sugar and sodium (and the diet sodas are even worse. Don't get me started.) and sweet tea, obviously has added sugar. But truth of the matter is, good hydration is key to good health, clean complexion, proper body function and staying healthy. When we're properly hydrated, our bodies will let go of retained water because it realizes that it's getting enough and it doesn't have to hang onto what it does get.


"How much water are you drinking?"
For my weight and activity levels, I'm trying to drink between 160-180 ounces a day. My doctor's office is the one who came up with this number. I was told to take my weight and divide it by two. That number put into ounces is the MINIMUM amount of water I should take in to keep my body functioning correctly. This doesn't take into consideration my exercise, extreme weather conditions, excess sodium/alcohol/caffeine intake or whether I'm fighting off a bug of some type. If those things are taken into consideration, I could need to add up to 25% of my weight in ounces of water on top of what I'm already drinking. Hence the reason I am taking in more than half my weight.

A similar number came up when I plugged in information to this water intake calculator. You can use it to loosely determine how much you should be taking in. ALWAYS double-check with your doctor to decide what's best for you.

Someone asked me what I'm eating - I'm really not eating all that differently. I'm trying to cut back on fried foods, limiting sugars (ok...totally not doing that this week, but normally, I do try to limit sugars) and not going overboard on carbs. I don't believe in eliminating any one food or group of foods simply because our bodies are designed to have nutrients that a variety of foods provide.

For those who are wondering, I started out Sunday weighing in at 249lbs (yes, I've gained weight since last summer/fall). I'm at 244 this evening. Like I said before, I can't guarantee this will work the same way for you, I'm simply saying, it's working for me.

Busting my ass...for what?

Twenty years ago, I buried my mother. I was 15.

She suffered an ugly fight with colo-rectal cancer.

She lost.

She spent her 51 years eating poorly, not exercising (due to numerous back and neck injuries) and smoking. In fact, I honestly don't remember my mother ever "feeling good." In the last twenty years, I've learned more about the things that led to her cancer. Some would argue that you can't prevent cancer - its genetic or predisposed. I call bullshit.

I don't smoke (okay, so I may have one cigar a year when the mood strikes me). I've also made a conscientious effort to change the way I eat. I struggle, but I'm SO much better off than I was a year ago. I've also begun exercising..and not in that wimpy I'm-too-busy-to-really-do-much-so-I'll-just-mall-walk-and-pretend-to-break-a-sweat way. I bust my ass regularly at the gym. My heart rate races. I sweat. I hurt. I ache afterward.

Why?

Because I don't want my children to have to be at my funeral instead of their third period math class.

I will NOT orphan my children. I will not make them watch me get sick. I refuse to leave them wondering what they could've done differently like I did when my mother got sick. I won't put that burden on them. And I know I don't have to. I'm making healthier choices every day to ensure their childhood won't include a hospital bed in their living room or hearing the words "we lost her."

So when somebody says, "Aww, take a day off. You've worked hard enough," I want you to understand why I can't.

Damn groundhog!

Ok, so I can't totally blame the groundhog for the entire winter, but you can bet I'm kickin' his ass about the next six weeks. Rat bastard.

I detest winter.

I don't mind being a little cool, in fact, anybody who's been in my house in the summer would swear I'm pumping freon through my walls. I can't stand feeling sweaty. But it's like Mother Nature has jammed five months of winter into two and I'm done. Just done. Since the beginning of December we've had over 45" of snowfall. Some has melted (or rather been pelted into submission by a couple of warmer days filled with rain and sleet), but the majority of it is still here. It's cold. It's white. It's fucking miserable.

For me, this makes it even tougher to draw the motivation to go to the gym. It's a pain in the ass to let the car warm up for 10 mins every time I want to go anywhere and that just adds time to my trip.  I hate getting all bundled up, driving the 20 mins to the gym, working out and then bundling back up to come home (waiting another 10 mins to warm the car back up, of course).

And let's just talk about winter food, shall we? Soups and stews are my favorite winter food and let's face it, the majority of my favorites aren't low-cal or low-fat. Now, if I were making regular trips to the gym, this wouldn't be a problem, but you read the last paragraph, you already know not only am I sitting on my ass most of the time and now you know that I'm eating shitty, too.

But things are looking up. The motivation that kept me going in July is back. I was fortunate enough to stumble into a video chat with Danny Wood tonight and told him about my weight loss in July when I met him for the first time and how I've added another 15lbs to that total loss. He congratulated me and told me to keep it up. (GAH!!) With two trips planned this summer to see NKOTB in concert, I absolutely REFUSE to let myself balloon back up. It's not that I'm foolish enough to think that Danny would recognize me, but if I do get the chance to talk to him, I want to be able to say "I lost another 20/30/40lbs" or even better yet, "I'm at my goal weight and it's all because of you!" He's saved my life and he needs to know that.

And I mean that sincerely - although sometimes fueled  by vanity, my health is the core issue and Danny truly has saved my life. I had something very scary happen in October that made me realize just how close I am to being a diabetic. I REFUSE that diagnosis. Period. I will not be a hostage to a testing kit, much less insulin injections. Heart disease also runs in my family. Again, I refuse to be bound to medication to keep my health under control. I KNOW what I need to do. Some days I just forget that I need to do it. I've still got that stupid "oh, I've got a hundred years left to get that figured out" mentality and it has to stop. My sister was my age when she was diagnosed with diabetes and she had her first heart-related "episode" around the age of 40, which is not too far around the corner for me. My health is in my control. I know what I can eat, what I need to do fitness-wise, what balances I need to maintain and I have to remember that I don't have a hundred years. I have now.

Today.

This is it.

And I'm taking the bull by the horns. No more bitching about the weather or the cold. The ground is a helluva lot colder when I'm buried under it than driving around above it. I have to keep that in perspective.

So once again, thank you Danny Wood for being there when I needed you. I hope someday you'll know how much you've done for me.

=================================================================

GOALS:

1. Gym: 4 days a week. 2 days doing HIIT, 2 days doing weight training
2. Cutting pop and sweetened tea COMPLETELY from my diet (limiting is not working)
3. Minimizing fried foods more strictly
4. Fewer carbs, more fresh foods

All this talk of detoxing...

...it has me curious.

My doctor has tried to convince me to do one of these for months and I've fought him on it.

Hard.

Like, really hard.

Let's face it, I love food. All kinds. The stuff that's good for me, the stuff that's bad for me, the stuff that's REALLY bad for me. Now obviously, I know what needs to be given up in order to live a more healthy lifestyle and for the most part, I've done that. I cheat now and then, but generally speaking, I do pretty well considering my addiction to food.

What I'm not sure I'm ready to give up, though is red meat or poultry, which is what many of these detox programs call for. I've never been fond of beans, which is where a lot of the needed protein comes from during detox. I'll eat them, but usually only after they've been slathered in butter (a detox no-no) or soaked in some sort of animal broth (another detox no-no). What's a foodie to do?!

I haven't decided if I will partake in this cleanse thing, but if I do, I will tell you now, you will be given PLENTY of warning so you can unfollow/ignore/etc me when my bitch switch gets thrown. I'm bad enough eating what I want. Imagine me being denied something I crave.

Yup. It's like that.

So, until I decide that my personality just isn't shitty enough, I'm going to just stick with a stricter diet and increase my water intake. I'm also cutting back (not eliminating entirely) my caffeine intake by removing soda from my diet (which is something I managed to do successfully last summer and then fell off the wagon, recently) and minimizing tea and coffee. "Stricter diet" means cutting back on fried foods, sugars and high-carbed items. Pretty much the same thing I did last summer. That I know I can do.

In the meantime, for those of you daring enough to try it, here are a few of the links I was sent this morning for detox:
http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/DIET/detox/plan.htm
http://www.energiseforlife.com/detox-recipes.php
http://www.ehow.com/how_5298667_do-natural-full-body-cleanse.html

Good luck and pass your red meat this way, please.

Stupid Kid!

Dear Fareway Employee,
      I understand that you're a mere 19 years old and that you've never had to carry groceries into your house and therefore have no knowledge of an ideal sacking job...HOWEVER, common sense should tell you that those flimsy plastic grocery sacks were not meant to carry a 6lb can of tomatoes. Two bags would've even had difficulty, but one? C'mon.

     Now, thanks to your inadequacies as a sacker, I have a black and blue (and nearly broken) toe and I will be limping for a week instead of busting my ass at the gym like I'd planned. You? Are a frickin' moron.
 

Sincerely,
Me

That being said, it's not totally his fault that I won't be at the gym the rest of this week (but damn, it felt good blaming the snot-nosed little punk!). Mother Nature has decided to dump freezing rain & snow on us here in the heartland. Seeing as we have one vehicle and hubby can't take any time off of work, his only option is to stay in the city so he can get to and from work over the next couple days. This means that I will have no way to get to the gym. Some might say "WOO!!" but honestly, it's a big fat "BOO" from me. I enjoy the gym and I enjoy my workouts. I also enjoy the tanning session I treat myself with after I work out.

So...it'll be the weekend before I get back to the gym. Until then, I'm going to try not to overeat and be a sloth, but honestly? Home alone? Four days? I may not even get outta bed. *giggle*

Ahh, hello Wagon. I missed you.

I feel the need to start this blog out with a big apology to my followers. Many of you relied on my posts to motivate you and I let you down. I'm sorry that I haven't posted much fitness-related. I'm hoping that will be changing as of now.

I stepped foot back in the gym tonight. I started my HIIT program over from the start. 5 minute warm-up, 30 second sprint, 60 second slower pace, repeated 6 times, then a 5 minute cool-down. I did really well and barely broke a sweat, but I'm sure I'll feel it tomorrow. I will continue this stage for a week. Next week, I will do the same warm-ups and cool-downs with 30-second sprints and 30-second slower paces.

I will also be alternating my HIIT with a basic weight circuit training program. My goal here isn't to build bigger muscles, but strengthen what I have. Strengthened muscles will help burn fat more quickly. The cardio work I'm doing with HIIT combined with the weight training will help increase my metabolism.


Speaking of metabolism, I'd like to address the difference in mine. Obviously with the weight I lost from June til November, it's safe to say that my metabolism increased dramatically. I worked out on average 4 days a week for several months. I cut back in some areas of my diet, but generally speaking, I didn't go without what I wanted to eat. I may have eaten less of it, but I really didn't eliminate anything entirely. During the month of November and thus far in December, I have only gained 7lbs, which really, for someone of my size is not that much. It's a drop in the bucket. In fact, I could very easily be down those 7lbs by the end of the year. I knew having a high metabolism was good in order to lose weight, but what wasn't blatantly obvious to me was how handy that high metabolism would be when I fell off the wagon last month and it helped me basically maintain my weight for the last 6 weeks. That's pretty kickass.


So...that's where I'm at. I am gonna continue to bust my butt and hopefully by this time next year I'll be at my goal!

It's been a while...

This time of year is almost always tough on me. Financial constraints and family stress during the holidays are usually the trigger point. After the holidays I face the anniversaries of my parents deaths: my father's in January and my mother's in February. To say that winter is a bleak time for me is an understatement.

I battled depression from the time I was 9 years old. It was undiagnosed for years, then I spent another ten years on one psychotropic drug after another. I also spent years in therapy with psychologists who were hell bent on labeling me any and every way they could. Agoraphobic, manic depressive and narcoleptic were some of the most outrageous. I was prescribed meds that were typically given to schizophrenics and narcoleptics. It was unreal the amount of drugs I had pumped through my system in the 90's.

Since my days of diagnosed depression, I've done a lot of research on that particular diagnosis as well as the other diagnoses I was given during that time. I've come to understand what situations trigger that behavior in me and, over time, have successfully eliminated many of those situations. I've worked very, very hard to surround myself with supportive, positive people. People who build me up rather than break me down. I've also chose to cut ties with friends and family who reflect the behavior that I'm trying to avoid in myself.

As a result I've been med-free for almost three years. This battle is one that I dance with daily. I know myself and I know how easy it is to slip back into that depression. For my own self preservation, I have to remove myself from places and situations that may trigger those low points from me. Much like a diabetic has to regular sugar and insulin, I have to regulate being supportive to friends who may be feeling defeated and stepping away entirely to protect myself.

I spent ten years in a black cloud of negativity. I spent every day wondering if anything was ever going to go right for me. I wondered daily "Why me?" I stayed awake at night worry about the "What next's?"

I'm a firm believer that God only gives us what He knows we can handle. He gives us the tools to become strong and to recognize our limits. That ten year cloud was my limit. I can never go there again. I've come to realize what things I need to do to guarantee I don't reach those limits again.

It's not that I don't want to be supportive. It's not that I have no sympathy for those dealing with depression. It's not even that I don't understand what they're going through. The fact of the matter is - I can't help you without hurting me.

And that's not something I'm willing to sacrifice again.

Ever.

Some new links for you

Upon doing some research today, I've happened upon some links that you may find helpful.

The Meatrix
A corny, but informative look at factory farms and their effect on the meat and dairy industry. There is also a link for you to find organic farms and markets in your area who carry healthy alternatives.

Hydration Blog
Learn all there is to know about becoming properly hydrated. Dispell myths about hydration and find out what dehydrates you. Links to good water (yes, there are different types of water!) you can buy online, too.

Checking in...

I've been writing a lot lately about things unrelated directly to my fitness or weight loss.

I figured it was time for an update, despite not only having fallen off the wagon, but having survived it backing up over me, as well. The last few days I've been battling that desire to do emotional eating. I think it's that whole time change thing. I never handle this time of year well. I've drunk a TON of pop in the last couple days and eaten nothing but crap. I'm still happy to report that I haven't gained more than a few pounds, though. Which, if you'd see what's passed my lips, you'd wonder how the number hasn't gone much higher.

I'm going to try to get back to the gym this weekend. My masseur tonight expressed his disappointment. Not in me personally, but he pointed out how much I'd enjoyed the results and he was excited for me to see those results. (Have I mentioned I love him? He's awesome.) I've been needing a kick in the butt. I think him being disappointed in my lazy behavior might be just what I needed. (Thanks, Chris!)

So there you have it.

A closer look at vaccines, specifically the H1N1

     There are NUMEROUS things about the H1N1 vaccine that have people convinced they need it. Unfortunately many of these things that are convincing people they need it are based on myths. The biggest things to know before choosing to be vaccinated are these:

1. A vaccine is not a shot of chemicals that fight off the disease, the vaccine is a shot of chemicals as well as a dose OF the disease. Ideally, vaccines were designed to give the body a small dose of an illness to help boost a body's natural immunity to it. Over time, the vaccines have evolved into including more and more unnatural ingredients and essentially is more toxic to the body than it's good for it. For instance, the H1N1 vaccine's primary ingredient is a mercury-based product. Another key ingredient is formaldehyde. Pregnant women, babies and children are being encouraged to get a vaccine that, were it NOT in a vaccine, would be told to avoid at all costs.
     Another thing to remember is that every day a disease is in existance it has mutated into something new. So the vaccine that scientists have spent the last year perfecting and getting approved by the DNA isn't for the flu strain that is currently being spread. It's the one from a year ago (or longer, depending on how long it's taken to develop).

2. The people telling you that you need a vaccine are the same people who are either employed BY a pharmaceutical company or benefit financially FROM a pharmaceutical company. Any and EVERY pharmaceutical company has a FINANCIAL gain from your vaccine. Every dose means money in their pockets. It's no longer about health. It's about money. Many people have the belief "My doctor wouldn't steer me wrong." Next time you're in your doctor's office, read the name on the pens, the calendars, the note pads, etc. I guarantee you, they will have the name of some medicine on them. Those are called kickbacks. Doctors agree to use those things as advertisements in exchange for "free samples" of the drugs the pharmaceutical reps are trying to sell to patients. (Piece of trivia for today: When your doctor goes to a medical conference, they're given manuals/study guides/books, etc. Who has provided the information that your doctors learn at these conferences? Pharmaceutical companies. Many/most of these books even have advertisements for the newest drugs on the market.)
     Something else to consider: children have received "basic" vaccines for dozens and dozens of years, but it wasn't until the last ten years or so that researchers have made the connection between vaccinations and numerous health issues such as autism. The health "officials" who are promising you that this vaccine is safe are the same ones who promise the parents of those autistic children the same thing. Think about it.

3. Our bodies are designed to fight off illnesses naturally, if we'll allow them to. Let's pick apart the common cold, for instance. Most times, the minute we start coughing, we medicate with something to quiet a cough. The thing we don't realize is that the cough is there for a reason. There are foreign things in our lungs (due to the cold virus) and our body is trying to expel them so we don't become sicker. By quieting that cough, you're actually enabling that junk to stay in your lungs and increase, causing us to get sicker and we stay sicker longer because we continue to keep medicating. If we muddle through the miserable cough, our body expels the junk in our lungs and we're better more quickly.
     What's the first thing you do when you get a fever? Take Tylenol (or another fever reducer) to get your temperature back to normal, right? This is actually the most foolish thing you can do. When we're sick, our body has increased its core temperature to "burn off" (for lack of a better term) the virus (or bacteria) that has infected our bodies. Consider the warning on most poultry for instance. It tells you to cook the meat to avoid a salmonella contamination. The same is true for our bodies. The longer that fever is artificially set back to normal, the longer that virus/bacteria is in our bodies. The longer its in our bodies, the more it multiplies and spreads. So something that may've started out as a simple bronchial infection ends up being pnemonia. If we let the fever burn off naturally, it WILL burn itself out...and with it, it'll take the nasty things that are making us sick.

4. Specificially regarding H1N1: It's the flu. Plain and simple. Yes, people have died from it. People have died from the regular flu, too, but you don't see them on the news. Bottom line is this: anyone who dies from any illness dies because their bodies aren't able to fight off the illness.
     If we fill our bodies with artificial "immunity" through medication, we're going to become more and more reliant on those means to fight off the slightest thing and will essentially have much worse symptoms for the simplest of illnesses because our bodies no longer know how to fight something off.

     I'm not a doctor, nurse or scientist. I don't work for some herbal remedy company. I'm not some tree-hugging naturalist. I only know what I've researched and what works for my family. I refuse to just "go with the flow" when it comes to my health and the health of my family. Too many things *don't* make sense about modern medicine for me to just take one for the team. The things I've shared here are things I've learned from the research I've done.
     We eat healthily, we exercise, we hydrate well and when we feel ourselves getting sick we know it's because our bodies immunity levels aren't as high as they could/should be. We usually visit our kinesiologist (a form of chiropractic care that focuses on the body as a whole rather than just the spine & back muscles) and we also take herbal remedies that help our body deal with additional strains such as hormones or a lack of nutrients for whatever reason.  Our family personally uses a product called "Immucore," the minute we start getting the sniffles or a stomach ache. It's just one example of an herbally based product to help our body rebuild white blood cells. You can google for dozens of others if that's something you're interested in.
     Bottom line, only you can decide if you want to vaccinate or not. I hope that I've provided you information so you can make a better informed decision. You don't have to take my word. Do a search for H1N1 vaccine risks and side effects. Then do a search for "flu vaccine risks and side effects" to get a broader spectrum of results. Educate yourself from ALL aspects. Don't just trust blindly simply because someone has a medical degree. Remember...every time you get sick, they get paid.

One of two ways...

"Oh my God, that's Mel?! I didn't even recognize her!"

I can take this one of two ways.

1. I've made amazing progress and I look fantastic.
2. I was such a troll before and I'm finally tolerable to look at.

My mood for the day usually determines which way I take a statement like that.

I *want* to always react the first way, but let's face it, when you've never really felt pretty, it's easy to fall into the second reaction, especially if you're like me and don't take compliments well. I've tried very hard to keep in focus what my real reasons are for losing weight: living longer and living healthier. The vanity reason is obviously there, as it is for any woman, but I'm trying NOT to make that my main reason for losing weight. I think when the focus is more about how I look, it's easy to lose track when I start noticing that difference in my appearance.

Every compliment is a struggle. Every time I hear "You're looking great, Mel, keep it up" or something like that, I have to stop and tell myself to JUST. SAY. THANK YOU. instead of shrugging it off or worse: being defensive.

So please try to understand where I'm coming from if I say "thank you" with a grimace on my face. I may be staying "Thank you" but my complete thought is "Thank you for allowing a troll like me to be seen in public with you." It's something I'm working on and if you knew me before I started losing weight, you'd know how far I've come. It's just a slow process.

Been a slacker

So I've been a sloth the last few weeks.

I've lost my motivation.

I miss Danny Wood's tweets about what he's eating, what things he's doing to keep in shape. I know I can't blame him and I don't, but I do know I was more productive when he tweeted those things. It helped that I knew I'd be seeing the guys in concert. The fact that there aren't any shows coming up is a downer.

The season change is a bummer, too. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE fall and I really don't mind winter as far as temperatures go, but my moods plummet the minute daylight savings hits. And please save your breath. I know working out will help increase my adrenaline and seratonin, which in turn will help my moods. I know that. I believe it. I just need to get the motivation to get to the gym.

This is the first cold weather season since I got on this fitness train and I'll be honest, I'm working very hard at NOT relying on thick sweatshirts and bulky sweaters to cover the pounds I may put back on. I predict it will be a struggle.

So I decided to sit down and come up with a list of things to motivate me during a time when I don't feel all that motivated. This is what i came up with.

1. I've come way too far to stop now.
2. Joe will start touring in January. I want to look good when I see him next year.
3. I feel better when I eat better.
4. I want the energy to get everything done around my house that I have planned.
5. I want to see a size 14 before Joe's birthday.

These aren't things that will motivate everyone, but they work for me.

I'm just me.

"Giiiiiiirl, you just....MMMM!"

Those were the first words uttered by our friend Mike when we walked into the Halloween Party last night. He ended the sentence in a growl and a shake of the head and a  playfully lecherous grin. I guess I don't see it. It's hard for me, really. Having been a heifer most of my life, I don't see that I'm any different than I've ever been. I'm just me. I have my moments of confidence, but like any woman with self-esteem issues, I constantly question compliments and the only things I really notice are how many fat days I have a week, how much the numbers on the scale fluctuate and how I haven't gone down another size in almost two months. I don't see this vixen my friends seem to see. I don't know that I ever will.

But even my husband says she's there. He said last night I carry myself differently. I'm more confident, less introverted and I even smile more than I used to. He said he wished I could see myself the way he sees me.

The thing is..and I may spend time in therapy for this, I guess I consider almost any declaration of accomplishment egotistical and an unattractive quality in any human being. So while I have learned to take compliments better, I still brush them off because they make me uncomfortable. I know I've lost weight. I know those thirty-ish pounds I've lost are a HUGE accomplishment, but to point it out, feels awkward to me. To celebrate them for more than a general statement of "I lost ____ pounds," to me, seems self-serving and the *LAST* thing I ever want to be is self-absorbed or egotistical.

I have over 400 followers on Twitter and I still sit back and say "what the hell?" I know many of those people follow me because of the weight loss I've achieved over the last few months, but it still seems weird to me. There are celebrities who've lost more weight than I have. There are tried-and-true people who live healthy lifestyles daily who are far more "together" than I am. Why the hell do 400+ people want to follow me? I'm just me, ya know? I tell people the same thing when it comes to my writing...or my singing....or anything else they try to compliment me on: I'm just me. I'm nobody special.

I'm MUCH more comfortable just blending into the background than being out there in the spotlight. And I'm discovering just how uncomfortable I am receiving compliments, too. This weight loss thing is much more difficult than I realized. It's so much more than just losing weight. There's responsibility with it, too. I didn't know about it. I sure don't know what to do with it and furthermore, I don't think I'm qualified to take it on. So...how do I just lose the weight and return everything else that comes along with it?